why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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