he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
