erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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