i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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