He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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