Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
