Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
