Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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