Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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