he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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