i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
