she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
