The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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