Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
