There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
