i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
