my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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