I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My balls are so social today.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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