she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
