he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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