You made me cry and you don't even care
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
