First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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