i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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