I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
