; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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