she woke up with a sticky ear
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
