You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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