So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
