Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
