oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
