Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
