I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
