Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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