he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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