Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
