woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
