Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
