i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
