Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
