So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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