I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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