Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
