I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I just put wine in my tea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
