Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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