That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
