Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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