You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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