We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
