I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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