no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
