So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
