all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
