So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
