He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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