You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
