If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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